Archive for October 2010

independent and self-sufficient

perhaps i was too used to putting hope in having a person to talk to, when in actual fact i don't really need one.

it turns out i can hardly talk about things regarding my homosexuality with the friend that i recently found out to be gay. he's gay, and so am i. but there's something unexplainable on this, i just feel he might not be as matured-thinking as i am (although we are around the same age) and we are talking to each other at a different frequency.

actually there's nothing to be glad about finding out a friend is gay, because that doesn't mean he is someone i can have a deep talk to.. and in fact i didn't realize i actually don't need to have that kind of deep talk with anyone.

so it is good being independent and self-sufficient.

i think i have got used to keep everything in myself without going crazy, i think my heart and mind can take it, even though it usually takes a little hard time at first in my previous experience. but as compared to what i've been through, this is nothing.

friend who is gay

during my away for months, i got to know a lot of people, possibly the most ever i got to know in such a short period of time. and i kept contact with some of them.

it was until today i got to know that one of them is gay. i wasn't surprised as there were one clue on him,  although not an absolute indicator, which made me had a blink of mind that he might be gay.

likewise, when i told him on msn that i probably will not get married for the rest of my life. he seems to be able to comprehend and he told me that he probably won't too. then the same consensus is with us that we are on the same boat. the rest of our conversation is typical.. asking each other when did we found out about ourselves, and when did we suspect each other.. the word gay didn't appear explicitly throughout the conversation but we can safely assume that both of us meant the same thing.

it's good to know at least there's a real friend that i can talk to from now on..

on the other hand, my plan to leave is firm now. by next year i won't live in this big city anymore. maybe it's not a wise decision all together, to quit my current job and leave this place, but i don't want to be regret for not trying to achieve what i want. the robbery and the months-away are probably hints from the heaven for me to make this decision.