How is it like being a Chinese gay guy?

I tweeted about my curiosity on how is it like being a Malay, Muslim and gay at the same time. The reason being, I see more Chinese gay guys than Malay or Indian gay guys on Grindr. That makes me wonder, could it be because of cultural difference that makes more Chinese gay guys? And Muslim's religious views seem to be very much against homosexuality, while that's not in the case of Buddhism, Taoisim, Hindusim or Sikhism (at least not that I know of any absolutely opposing views from them).

soul232 took care to answer my queries.

But on second thought, I think I should probably write a post about how is it like being an almost free-thinking Chinese gay guy like me. I think it's good for us gay guys to understand each other who are from different cultural and religious backgrounds in the context of homosexuality.

I can't exactly speak for Chinese, and I doubt I know enough other Chinese gay guys to have a representative view on this. But at least for my case, homosexuality is not something that can openly discussed in my family. Not that my family is blatantly against it, but rather, I don't dare to talk about it with my family for the fear of disappointment of my parent. I doubt my family will disown me over this though.

Being born in a Chinese-Buddhist + Taoist family, I've never heard of anything from my religions and beliefs that have anything against homosexuality. In Taoism, we have Pangu who was said to have created the Heaven and Earth, Nuwa who was said to have created humans from clay, but I doubt any Chinese of today still think they are true. We are very much inclined to think of them as mythologies and believe a more scientific explanation of human evolution.

On the side note, I don't consider myself a Buddhist nor a Taoist, but I don't think this part of me makes me have different views on sexuality from a, say, practiced Buddhist/Taoist Chinese gay guy. Our religions have rules but it's up to us the believers to adopt it up to any level we want. I don't believe in religions but I believe in morality, ethics and philosophies. I believe the philosophical part of Taoism but I don't practice the rituals.

I have a conservative view on sexual activity and ideally, it should only be done between married couples, or couples who are sure to marry each other. In a gay context, to me ideally, it should only be done between very stable couples even since they can't get married in front of law and in a ceremony in Malaysia. But this is a very different view from most other Chinese gay guys who simply don't care.

Probably that's also because I'm a good boy. =P I don't drink and I don't smoke, too.

With regards to the process of coming out, I didn't realised that I'm not quite the same as others until when I was in high school. I accepted the fact that I'm gay when I was in university, but I decided to stay in the closet. And I fully stayed in the closet for about 5 years. It only takes me about two years from a fully closeted guy to someone who is starting to come out. But I guess those are more of my character than my cultural background.

How is it like being a gay like you with your religion and cultural background? I would love to know about anything, even if you're of the same cultural background as me. Link to this blog post if you're writing in your blog so that Blogger can automatically post a pingback in the comments and notify me (I think it does), or click the 'Create a Link' at the bottom of this page to post to your blog directly and notify my blog at the same time.


  1. I am a hindu and am also racially mix with 3 different races and a bisexual. How does it perceived in my family? Thankfully they are pretty fine with it, except of course who x have the initial shock when you break the news. But thats the case in my family,partly because we talked about almost every single thing under the sun at home without any barriers.

    If what my intemperation from the book is correct, Hinduism recognises every form of gender and sexuality and we also have statues depicting sexual acts etc in India. As far as I am concerned, within my family I have had no problems with that. :D

  2. For me, I believe in the existance of a God, but I don't believe in religion. Somehow religions make everything so complicated. That being said, whatever religion that guides people to do good is a good religion. Some people need religion to guide them to recognize right from wrong. Others find inner peace from it. As for homosexuality, I can't really understand any religion that condemns it. Why is it wrong or a sin if you are not harming yourself or others? Who are they to say what is natural or what is not? Because their religious books or their holier-than-thou preachers/religious heads say so?

    Of course this is only my opinion. Any offences were totally unintentional. And I wasn't pointing to any specific religion when I voiced out my personal opinion.


    1. Religions have always been a subjective and personal thing, even more so for their interpretation. My view is, whatever the holy books say, there's always another line of reading beyond what's on the holy books i.e. the interpretation. And people tend to have their own interpretation on how the contents of the books should be applied to the current times. It only happens that the mainstream interpretation of the religions see homosexuality as sinful to them.

  3. I have once heard humans are created to LOVE. I guess we just wanna LOVE. At the end it's really what the feelings are about. Hmm..religion wise..never went into that realm. All i know is it's projecting HOPE but that too i only always say Thank You when i pray..seldom wish.

    1. Yeah it's all about love and hope. =)

  4. i think everyone handles it differently but one thing that's always there is the awkwardness.

    i guess what u say is true, not every family blatantly goes against it but there's still, always discomfort whenever anyone mention it.


    it's hard.
    it's hard
    but it's here

    oh well

    1. Take your time. I'm sure things will get better.

  5. Hello.
    I'm not a Malay but I'm a Muslim though, a devout one. I pray 5 times a day, fast during the fasting month of Ramadhan, I don't drink alcohol and I don't eat pork and the list goes on and on.

    In my opinion,being a gay and a Muslim, personally it's not that hard. Because I believe that religion is good, God is good, but the only problem is the people who interpret the words of God based on their own bias. I'm not saying that all of them are like that, but there is a minority group of people like that but unfortunately their voice is louder than the majority.

    I'm a gay, yes. But does it make me less a Muslim? No. I chose to live by the principle of Islam, so it's my responsibility to do my best to be a good Muslim. If I start ignoring my faith just because of my sexuality, it would imply that I think being gay is bad and dirty.

    But ya, of course not every Muslim shares the same opinion as mine. In my case, I live my life normally. In Islam, premarital sex between a man and a woman is prohibited, the same rule is applicable for me. I will only have sex with a guy after we get married. It might be unheard of, but actually at some parts of the world (UK, Canada etc) there are Imams (the Muslim religious leaders) who will perform the ceremony for gay Muslims. It might not be recognised by law here in Malaysia, and I may have to keep it secret from people around me, but at least God knows that I don't go against His words.

    If the devout straight Muslims are keeping their virginity for their wedding night, I, as a devout gay Muslim, am also keeping my virginity for that purpose.

    I'm currently looking for my other half. Please wish me luck ^.^

    1. Thanks for sharing your piece of mind! It's very encouraging to know that from a gay Muslim. I wish all gay Muslim guys can get inspired. All the best to you in your search for the right guy! =)

  6. Hi

    I'm a gay Malay Muslim guy,and I have to say,I pretty much agree with what hey hensem said. Most of my gay Malay Muslim friends indulge in gay sex,but they still believe that it is sinful to do any gay sex and won't recognize gay Marriage in Islam that's being practised by the liberal Muslims. They rather accept that this whole being a gay is a big ordeal by Allah and gay Muslims should just be celibate or marry a woman instead and suppress their gay desire,which is pretty contrary to them having gay pre-marital sex as of now. I've tried convincing them that embracing being gay and a Muslim is possible,but it failed,so I'm done. I had a pretty hard time accepting the idea that gay marriage is allowed in Islam,but I came to realizing that even celibacy is not encouraged in Islam and marrying someone who you have no desire to be is extremely discouraged as well,so gay marriage must be the only way left. Well,that pretty much sum up how I make it being a gay,Malay,and Muslim.