Archive for January 2012

Of Grindr ... and Stalking

Lately, I've decided to put up my profile photo on Grindr. It turns out I've got some 'market' too. I guess although I'm not really gorgeous looking, I'm not as bad as I thought too. At least people are still willing to start a chat with me.

Also lately, when I'm browsing on Grindr, there's this one guy that really got my attention. Decent looking (that's how I and probably most of us 'browse' anyway). But what got my attention the most is his 'About'. I've never encountered another person who describes himself in a way so alike to me.

After stalking observing him for some time, one fine day I went on searching for things about him on the Internet. It's not that hard to look for things about him with the online information gathering skills that I'm kinda proud of. Plus, the name he puts there is kinda uncommon. Within a couple of minutes, I get to know his full name, where he works and has worked at, his blog etc. I know it's kinda creepy that I'm able to get to know so much about him (like those pervert middle-aged stalkers) but well I guess stalking online is socially acceptable, right? After all, we all do that on Facebook all the time (actually I don't).

So back to this guy, I wanted to know him but I think again and it's probably better to train myself to be more confident talking to others first.

I'm probably overly careful but I guess it's because I'm really concerned to make sure I do well. Also, I want to observe myself to make sure it won't be like last time, and I really want to affirm my feelings and thought before making a move.


So do you stalk on Grindr like I do? =P



Happy Chinese New Year!

When Things Turn Ugly

Things turn ugly when I'm leaving. The source of problem is of course myself again.

This is probably worse than my previous job.


P.S.: My wrath now is a lot more than what you see here.


I'm not talking about the gay dating site—I'm talking about the ability to 'sense' and identify whether a person is gay or not i.e. gay + radar.

Have you ever wonder why most gay people have gaydar whereas we've never heard of straight people having 'straightdar' i.e. ability to identify whether a person is straight?

I have a theory. Gay people have long been treated as something not in the norm of the society, e.g. by default, people would assume anyone is straight. The normal has always been for the straight but not for the gay. And when the society deems the norm to be straight, gay people have to find ways to look for people like them. That in turn makes them to gain the ability to observe very subtle clues. I believe if the perception towards gay and straight in the society was the other way round, the straight people would be the ones who gain their 'straightdar' and gaydar probably wouldn't exist.

I think gaydar is basically an ability developed in gay people (based on stereotypes on gay people themselves, i.e. what you think a gay person would behave like) due to human's social instinct to find a community they belong to. When not being used for finding like-minded people, I think gaydar is just really sharp observation skills.

IMHO there's some connexion between gaydar and gay people's fashion sense. Gay as we know are generally better than straight people in fashion sense and many are some of the best fashion designers. I don't think it comes by coincidence, nor it comes naturally. I would believe that by gaining gaydar, gay designers also gain sharp observation skills which in turn give them great fashion sense.

But I heard for some people, gaydar deteriorates over time. I've heard people used to be good in it lost it almost totally without apparent reasons. While I don't think one would lose its observation skills without apparent reasons, I can't find an explanation of losing gaydar.

But then again, not every gay person has gaydar. Some have never had it but probably still live a good life as a gay person.

So do you have gaydar? Anyone has already lost it? Have you ever put your gaydar in used other than finding gay people?

Gay men who are not into anal sex

EDIT: DISCLAIMER: I'm not trying to promote sexual activities to anyone here. To me personally, sexual activities should be between couples who are committed in a healthy relationship. If you're still a virgin, I would advise you to keep your virginity for your true love and be proud of being able to keep your virginity.

Yup, I'm one of them. I have tried both top and bottom positions but neither works for me. I just don't get the pleasure from both positions (in fact I like cuddling and frotting more).

note: come to think of it, this is probably the most 'outspoken' blog post of mine so far…

It was kinda disturbing for me. I thought a gay man should like either one, or both. But I realised it isn't the case when I read about it on the Internet. In fact according to many sources, most gay men don't enjoy anal sex as much as they do for other forms of sexual activities.

I think the gay pornography industry publicises anal sex too much and causes this misconception to even gay men. Many think that anal sex is 'the' sex and the rest are just for foreplay. But other forms of sex e.g. blowjob, frottage, intercrural sex, mutual masturbation etc. can actually be primary means of intimacy too.

When talking to a gay man, most of us would ask whether he's a top or bottom, or versatile. I'm not exactly a bottom – I prefer to be 'taken care of' (not effeminate though), thus a less dominant role. So when someone asks me this question, I usually say that I'm a versatile bottom. But somehow I now think it's not the exact answer. Maybe next time I'll just answer I'm not into anal. :)

Come to think of it, this is probably why according to a survey done by Simonlover, there are so many versatile gay men in Malaysia. I wonder if some of them are like me, not into anal but because there is no such 'option' in the categorisation, so they chose 'versatile'? The 'categorisation' we have been using so far is, in a way, over-generalisation. Asking whether a person is a top or bottom assumes the person is into anal sex.

Instead of asking whether a person is top or bottom (a closed-ended question), we can probably ask 'what kind of sex are you into?' (an open-ended question). So the answer can be anything like (but not limiting to; and can be multiple too):

  • Anal sex, as a top
  • Anal sex, versatile
  • Face-fucking
  • Cock sucking
  • Frottage
  • Cuddling
  • etc.

So what is in your list?

It's Time.

I stumbled upon several video clips on same-sex marriage recently. It seems to be getting a lot of momentum in Western countries.

I especially love the Australian marriage equality ad: