Gay men who are not into anal sex

EDIT: DISCLAIMER: I'm not trying to promote sexual activities to anyone here. To me personally, sexual activities should be between couples who are committed in a healthy relationship. If you're still a virgin, I would advise you to keep your virginity for your true love and be proud of being able to keep your virginity.

Yup, I'm one of them. I have tried both top and bottom positions but neither works for me. I just don't get the pleasure from both positions (in fact I like cuddling and frotting more).

note: come to think of it, this is probably the most 'outspoken' blog post of mine so far…

It was kinda disturbing for me. I thought a gay man should like either one, or both. But I realised it isn't the case when I read about it on the Internet. In fact according to many sources, most gay men don't enjoy anal sex as much as they do for other forms of sexual activities.

I think the gay pornography industry publicises anal sex too much and causes this misconception to even gay men. Many think that anal sex is 'the' sex and the rest are just for foreplay. But other forms of sex e.g. blowjob, frottage, intercrural sex, mutual masturbation etc. can actually be primary means of intimacy too.

When talking to a gay man, most of us would ask whether he's a top or bottom, or versatile. I'm not exactly a bottom – I prefer to be 'taken care of' (not effeminate though), thus a less dominant role. So when someone asks me this question, I usually say that I'm a versatile bottom. But somehow I now think it's not the exact answer. Maybe next time I'll just answer I'm not into anal. :)

Come to think of it, this is probably why according to a survey done by Simonlover, there are so many versatile gay men in Malaysia. I wonder if some of them are like me, not into anal but because there is no such 'option' in the categorisation, so they chose 'versatile'? The 'categorisation' we have been using so far is, in a way, over-generalisation. Asking whether a person is a top or bottom assumes the person is into anal sex.

Instead of asking whether a person is top or bottom (a closed-ended question), we can probably ask 'what kind of sex are you into?' (an open-ended question). So the answer can be anything like (but not limiting to; and can be multiple too):

  • Anal sex, as a top
  • Anal sex, versatile
  • Face-fucking
  • Cock sucking
  • Frottage
  • Cuddling
  • etc.

So what is in your list?


  1. anal sex, only bottom; nipple sucking; kissing and cuddling only. the rest doesnt apply.. lol... happy new year closeted guy! :)

  2. i read an article stating tat homosexuals do not equate with anal sex, however it seems that the culture here is that anal sex is the fundamental basics in a relationships. Social isolation i guess lol.

  3. i dun prefer anal too...
    Happy New Year...

  4. Well, it's very hard for me to say. I'd like to try a dildo someday because I enjoy fingering very much. But when you ask me whether I'm a top or bottom or versatile, I think I'm neither. Anal sex is hot, but it's not my main course.

  5. @tuls: That's quite a list! Happy new year to you too! =)

    @Vincent~: Yeah indeed homosexuality does not equate to anal sex. We all know the fact but somehow the popular top/bottom question is so dominant that we unconsciously think it's normal to be in one of the categories. I'm kinda convinced from the readings I've done, that there're a lot more of us than those really into topping/bottoming. So I think maybe it's time to set things right for the rest of us again.

    @Naughtry Prince: Yeah. *high five* Happy new year!

    @ooi2009: Oh yeah frotting, I like it too

    @Tom: Sounds to me you are still not sure of your main course? But that's okay, with so many forms of activities to choose from, it can be hard to decide too hahaha~ I'm not too sure about my main course too but I think I like cuddling and frotting. But then yeah, I think it's always good to explore the possibilities with your partner, just so you know what you really enjoy and can have better life with your partner. =)

  6. Very true. Not every gay man is into anal sex. QUite a few are put off by it even. Me, I like it but it's a preference.

  7. I am not into anal sex too. I find it difficult to actually give them an answer that is not true. I always tells them I am strictly into Oral only and still they will make you choose one position. Haiah...i know how you feel! :)

  8. I agree with you, random ppl asking u whether you're bottom or top is over publicized. I too answered them versatile, although I haven't try it yet. and i dislike anal too :)

  9. @ryan ~ how you know you dislike anal when you have not tried it before!!?!?! haha... jeng jeng jeng!! :)

  10. @savante: Yup I think I'm probably also one of them that is put off by it. Bad experience and the fact that I'm don't feel the pleasure count.

    @ooi2009: mine sexy? miaw :P

    @two horns child: That's so true! Haha haiyah that's so true!!

    @rYan: I get it. Before I try it, I too can hardly imagine how much 'pleasure' I can gain from it. And it is proven to me that it's not as 'great' as it's been publicised. But I would suggest you to keep your options open for your special someone. You never really knew if you would enjoy it or not unless you really try it.

    @tuls: I know what he means. He just dislikes by impression, not the real dislike lah. But then who knows after trying right! hahaha jeng jeng jeng!!

  11. @rotiboy & tuls (what a weird name): ooo...well, that's true. After if I have tried it, I will comment here again if there is any changes in my liking...maybe I would like it even more, hahaa

    @rotiboy: I have read your other blog posts. I would said keep blogging to share your feelings & experiences, you might be surprised to found out that other people may also encounter the same/similar situations as you, so you're not alone. Anyway, good luck in your job search. Think and choose wisely!!

  12. @rYan:

    (Try reading TULS's name backward!) Jokes aside, whatever your liking is, just try to do it with someone you treasure. =)

    Thanks! Feedbacks like this mean a lot to me. =) I'll continue to blog to share my life and thoughts. Yeah I'm going to be extra careful in looking for my next job. Thanks! =)

  13. nice sharing :) Totally agreed. Yup, keep the virginity until you meet your true love.

  14. I agree 100% with what you said. Personally I enjoyed being a top, but I'm also curious about being bottom, though I haven't had a chance to try it yet. So I usually say versatile if the question ever comes up. I do agree that the activities that you listed counted as sex too. It is not necessary only anal penetration.