Archive for September 2011


I'm not sure since when I've become so indecisive. It was only a few days ago that I was almost sure I wanted to go for MSc but now I'm not sure.

Exactly what happened to me? Mid-life crisis or something? (Am I going to die young anyway?)

One thing for sure. I want to quit this job. Badly. And then I'm going to take a break for a few months before working/studying again. Not sure whether I would go studying or get another job though. Maybe the month-long break can help me to decide.

My initial plan is to quit at the end of December. But ever since I've decided to quit this job, the feeling of wanting to quit sooner gets stronger and stronger. Law of attraction? Maybe. I should try focusing on my goals instead of my disgruntlement.


I have not been getting along well with my work lately. I have been having the thought of changing a job for some time already. And some crazy options came into my mind and I have dismissed them already.

And when I sit down to rethink again of what I should do if not those crazy options. Furthering my studies came into my mind. Studying maybe a good change of environment for me. There may be challenges to make myself to go back to school but I think I really need some change in my life.

Told my family about plan to take up MSc. Surprisingly they supported me, unlike how it was when I decided to get into my current job.

As for my Dear, he 'sticks' to me a lot. Really a lot. He has to Whatsapp me every few hours to curb his feeling of missing me. He probably gets the most impact from this decision of mine. Going for master's means we will be apart for about two years. While I think I can live with that - with all the technologies we have now e.g. Whatsapp, Facebook, Skype etc., plus I will come back every few months - Dear will definitely miss me a lot considering how 'sticky' he is now. But he is very understanding to support my decision.

The Perfect Mate

Most people have their own image of the perfect mate in their minds. I thought I was a very 'visual' person, and that I expected a lot from the appearance of my mate.

It turns out appearance matters much less to me than I thought, when the feeling is 'right'.

My Dear is good looking, but he doesn't have that kind of pretty face that I imagine for my perfect mate.

And he does not have the body and built of my perfect mate.

He has a certain temper, which comes and goes at certain times, that I'm not fancy of.

I thought I would want my guy to have at least more or less the same level of language skills that I have. Dear definitely has no problem with Chinese but he speaks in English more broken than mine (somehow I had the impression that he could converse well in English when I first encountered him).

Despite the difference from what I would imagine my mate would be, I'm still deeply in love with him.

I'm can't tell for sure what is it in him that keeps me with him. Maybe that's chemistry? Or maybe it's simply love.

A feeling so strong that I've never felt before.

Dear also has never had feeling like this in his ex's. He thinks I'm just 'the right guy' he would be spending the rest of his life with. I do not have valid love experience to compare from but I have the feeling he's 'just right' too.

But love matters are really hard to tell, esp. when we are just starting and drawing conclusions like this at this time may be too early.

Please pray for us so that we will be together for a long time to come.


Really. We wanted to slow down but we can't help being fast.

From Grindr to Whatsapp to Facebook to dating to being couple, all done within 5 days. And we became couple from the first date.

I think that's really too fast if we take time as the unit of measurement. But what we have been through for that five days felt like a month to me. We basically chatted with each other for 10 to 12 hours a day (and both of us suffer from work performance problem because of that).

Despite the fact that I lack experience in love, I know it's not a good thing to progress too fast. He thinks so too, according to his past experience. Something that comes fast usually goes faster. However, our attempts to slow ourselves down were futile. We can't help going with the flow (which is fast).

Even though I knew it was too early to ask him to be my bf, but I did it without thinking after being hinted by him. I was totally not me who made decisions on love based on logic and sensibility. Anyway, thinking about this sensibly, it would be very hurtful to him if I don't ask him to be my bf when he hinted so.

So far I have no regrets on what I have done despite it's too fast. But I'm now thinking of ways to slow us down without making him feel bad.