Archive for January 2010


Fate has done this again. Someone whom I have known for about 5 years but never been close to is now somewhat close to me, and I think I'm feeling something towards him. He is just so sweet and nice, and I can't help it - no one has treated me that way for a very very long time.

Some days ago, after a movie, he, I and another friend took LRT together. The LRT was crowded. I was standing very closely to each other. I can see the hair on his chest, and I started to imagine his hirsute body. But I knew I shouldn't be imagining those at that time, so I quickly regained my consciousness.

Few days ago, the three of us went for another movie. I got to sit right next to him. It's funny to say that it makes me a little happy being able to sit next to him, having my elbow touch his, being near to hear his breath, feel his warmth. I wish I could hold his hands but I knew I can't.

Also few days ago, I got to know from a friend that a girl that I confessed to before is now single and available again. My friend who knows my confession to the girl told me that I have a chance now. I do not know how to answer him since now I'm having a stupid crush on a guy friend.

On the other hand, I'm planning for a move with the guy I'm having a crush on and several other friends. I was pleasantly surprised when he told us that he wants to join us on the move. The fact that me and he going to stay together under one roof thrills me a little, but on the second thought, I feel a little scared as I do not know how well I can control myself. Why does fate have to do this to me, giving me these seduction and temptation that I have to resist? Part of me wants to live with him, but part of me is scared. I don't know what should I do and what should I think.

Thank you for taking your time to finish reading this disorganized rants of mine. My mind is now as disorganized as my rants here.