Year-End Reflection

So the year is coming to the end and it's time for new-year resolution and year-end reflection and whatnots.

I never really practised this year-end reflection and new-year resolution thing because I thought as someone who always has an ambition in mind and has always been working hard towards it, those things don't really matter - you know where you are heading for and always keep track of what you have been doing from time to time.

But I think I'm going to do some reflection this year. Because I'm lost. Like really unsure of myself. And I have made too much mistakes throughout the year.

  • I ended my job in corporate December last year. Right after that in January 2011, I joined a small company, working in the field I'm interested in, thinking that will be great for me.
  • Part of my plan to work with this small company is to relocate myself to my hometown. So I moved back in March. Working from home, with long-missed home-cooked meals. Even the air feels fresher. Another reason to leave is to run away from various problems that I did not want to face, one of them being a relationship that I could never get. Told myself not to get into love again to avoid getting hurt.
  • And when everything sounds great when I told my friends about my working condition, I'm starting to realise something I should have noticed earlier, something that deep inside myself is unhappy about this job. But I decided to look at the positive side - thinking that it's something that I have to endure to achieve success. So they are effectively swept under the carpet.
  • Job motivation and self-discipline problem happens every few weeks. I can't get myself to perform well in job and I'm simply too lazy to get myself to work.
  • Couldn't hold myself from looking forward for love again. Got on Grindr. Got to know some guys. Did something really stupid. Lost something precious. Learned a hard lesson.
  • Then stupidly thought I found love but didn't know it was due to desperation. Got in a relationship within less than a week. Suddenly realised I've never really loved him. Broke up in less than two months.
  • Then more work motivation problem. Realised work and life had become a total mess due to the absurd two-month relationship. More fixing up again.
  • Family argument. Got hit by flying arrows out of blue. That became the catalyst of rethinking about my work and being at home.
  • Decided to quit the job. Although I'm unsure of what I should do, this job does not suit me. Resignation will take effect end of January 2012. My plan is to take a few months break to think over what I should do.

This is probably my worst year in my whole life so far. I've made a lot of mistakes this year. Landing on this job is one. Moving back home to run away from problems is another. But for someone who doesn't have true friends around like me, I guess it's natural to want to run back to family when bad things happen. Still, mistakes made over the years (e.g. not making enough friends) led to many other mistakes. But then again, being an introvert person, it's not easy to make myself to mix around with people. So I guess another mistake I made over the years is not overcoming my introvert nature.

While there are a lot of slightly regretful things happened this year, at least I still learned some lessons. The hard way.

Looking forward, I should mix around more with people, befriend with some good people. Think more deeply before making decisions, make sure they are wise and not by gut feeling.

And no doubt of it, KL definitely has more opportunities than a small town like my hometown, be it job opportunities or opportunities to meet great people.

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