车子

我遇上了交通意外,人没事,但车子大概要住院一两个月。

突然觉得好脆弱。

想起了我跟他峰回路转的爱情。他总是怪E君把我抢走,然后又怪我当时刚买的车,让我有机会跟E君见面,然后发展关系。他甚至说他曾经有想砸烂我车子的念头。

每当我为我车身上的小刮痕心疼时,他就免不了吃我车的醋,然后又提起他多恨我这辆车如何促成我跟E君过去的关系。

的确,当时要不是有了车子,我就不会和E君见面,进而发展关系。要不是有了车子,我就不会觉得自己可以那么自由自在地撇开他去认识别人。有了这辆车,我多了一份安全感,少了一份会被人嫌弃的自卑。有了车,我就不用担心会被人误会,说是为了有人载送而认识别人。这辆车让我有种莫名的温暖,让我觉得我该加倍呵护它,甚至心里默默地为他起了个名,配合它的日本品牌,叫他作《冬狮郎》。

我总是说《冬狮郎》是我的老公,他就说不行,只有他才可以做我老公。我就说,它跟我住在同一屋檐下,陪我到我想去的地方,还为我遮风挡雨,所以它是我老公。他就会在这时候吃我车的醋,说他要做第一老公,我的车只能做小老公。然后我就捉弄他,继续说我的车如何的好,说它是日本人,甚至还告诉他我为它起的名字,就是为了看他吃小醋的样子。

他偶尔也会开玩笑跟我撒娇,说要用他8年的A级小型车跟我未满1年的B级中型车交换,要我把我的车让给他用。

但他不知道我心里当时已经默默地决定,当我存够钱买一辆新车的时候,就把我这辆车送给他。

之后,他离开了我。老公没了,剩下小老公。

今天这场交通意外。我小老公也要(暂时)离我而去。

没了老公,也没了小老公,突然觉得好赤裸,最后一点安全感也没了,好像玻璃一样,那么轻易地就被碰碎。

也许正因如此,让我又想起了老公。

一场交通意外竟然让我忆起那么多事。

4 comments:

  1. reading this piece made me realize my chinese is so karat-ed. hahahahaha.. cheer up ba rotiboy! there was once i drove my friend's car, sped through LDP and it was fucking raining, and it skided and i crash a vios.. lol.... thinking of that make my heart pump fucking fast! lol but whatever, i also dont know what am i talking...

    you cant avoid thinking about the past, but nothing is stopping you from focusing on your future ok roti.. small husband will come back to you, husband leh, find new one lor.. *hugs*

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  2. 你写博客次次都写得很有意思,容易引起读者的共鸣(我觉得啦),该多写。当然,我明白你是根据你情绪情况,有时多写,有时数月没消息。

    But frankly, I rarely come across Malaysian bloggers who can write well and sensibly, certainly not in two languages, and to top it off, it's seriously rare to see this kind of writing about the experiences of a gay person here.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! But like you say, it really depends on various circumstances, especially on what I've learned from my experience. Experience that can be written into something that resonates with the readers does not come by frequently, thus the lack of updates. But I really appreciate your compliments! =)

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