Guy in the Closet

I went for a short trip northward last week. It was originally for work, but I decided to extend my trip for a few days to attend some students' events and meeting up with some friends.

The trip was unexpectedly fruitful for me. From meeting my friends, I got several new friends and some good opportunities for work and possibly employment.

Oh yeah, I'm officially jobless now, taking in some odd jobs to earn a small living at the moment.

Also, my Grindr account was busy too. Possibly because seeing a new face in the city, the guys were flooding me with 'hi's. I'm not trying to show off here, but that's really something commendable for a person like me. But frankly speaking, no one that chatted with me really 'clicked' for me, until when I was on my way back to Johor. There were two guys pinged me on Grindr that kinda clicks. One is a Malaysian working in Singapore, another is a Singaporean having a vacation in Malaysia.

I exchanged my number with both and started to chat with them to understand them better. Coincidently, both of them call me with the same form of address. Over the few days chatting with them, I had a guilty feeling as if I'm dating two guys at the same time. I knew I had to quickly make a choice to focus on only one of them to clear my conscience.

It was a struggle to make a choice. Both were having almost the same score from my ranking. It's ironic that I've not met someone that clicks for me for so long, and suddenly two came at the same time, both are working in Singapore, so alike in their speech, and equally as appealing for me.

After weighing from various aspects, I chose the Singaporean over the Malaysian working in Singapore. The winning point is simply that he seems to be putting more effort in getting to know me and caring about me.

For me, long distance relationship is not really something that I'm totally comfortable with. But considering it's so hard to find someone that really clicks for me, I think I'm going to give it a try. Plus, I'm pretty flexible to change my plan, possibly to work in Singapore if the relationship really worths it.

Anyway, we are not in a relationship yet. And neither are we officially dating each other yet. But I guess we are a little more than friends at the moment. I just hope things will turn out well this time, but at the same time, I'm trying not to put expectations on this, realising no expectation means no disappointment.

On the side note:

The Chinese word 缘分 is a concept that hardly exists in English. As far as I know, the word originates from Buddhist context and paved its way to Chinese vocabulary and became a prominent concept in Chinese culture. One can relate it to fate or destiny but in fact both fate and destiny seems to be more of an equivalent of the word 命运. There isn't a word in English that is close enough in its meaning to 缘分 to the point that linguists romanised the word into Yuanfen to convey the meaning.

I remember years ago I was first introduced to the word 'serendipity' from a Hong Kong drama series. I looked up the meaning of the word to find out that the word is close enough to convey the meaning of 缘分, although it is commendatory whereas 缘分 is neutral (but mostly used in a commendatory context).