Guy in the Closet

A close friend from high school drove 2.5 hours to my town to meet me. Partly because he's free and also because he's leaving Malaysia for further studies. Anyway, that's so kind of him to come to see me on this special day of mine. Probably he knew I have been lonely and I need someone to talk to.

I haven't been speaking my mind to anyone for such a long time. I think the last time was also when he visited, probably 8 months ago.

All this while, I thought my mental power was strong enough to keep everything in myself. But I'm starting to realise that's not true. Especially after meeting my friend today, whatever that's been in me for the past few months were all out at once. I needed someone to speak my mind to so badly, but I didn't realise it until my mind flushed almost everything out to him before I knew it.

I don't know how I've lived for the past one year. Not only I don't have a close friend to speak my mind to, I don't even have friends that I can meet and hang out with. In fact, I don't even see anyone other than my family, not even my neighbours.

Suddenly I feel it's time for me to give in to reality, stop all the day-dreaming, stop all my 'temporary' freelancing for achieving what I dream about, look for a 'proper' job, working from 8 to 5, get a stable income and live a normal life.

Dreams and ambitions are probably not for a person like me.

I feel the urge to move back to KL.

I should let all the thoughts settle down a bit before I make a decision and tell anyone about it. I have to constantly remind myself not to make any impulse decisions.