After reading through some blogs, apparently I'm not the only one who have been to this - had someone who called you 'dear', 'darling' or whatever, say how he misses you, how he'd like to see you, etc., BUT cannot commit. And I guess mine is worse, because he wants to maintain an intimate relationship without being couples.

Whatever reasons he gave, he was probably true. But what is the difference between him and that Mr. J? It seems to me he is worse, but only without me labelling him as a 'player' in my mind. At the very least, Mr. J revealed that he doesn't intend to have further relationship. Mine, if he was a player, is even worse and more shameless to ask to maintain such relationship.

In a way, we are both too naive about the people in the community. Thinking that those sweet talks are indications of being committed. But I guess I'm learning fast. I withdrew myself in time. I won't believe words as such any more because as sweet as they sound, I'll never know whether the other person is true or is fishing. Maybe only time can tell. So other than waiting, I guess there's no other way. The more we push ourselves forward, the more easily we get to be played around.

My current job requires me to work from home, SOHO style.

The thing about working from home is that, I have a hard time trying to focus on my work.

When I should be starting to work already, I usually have problem to start my engine.

And when I started working, I tend to get distracted by various things. I usually read various articles, news, watch TV show streaming, visit blogs, Facebook, and also porn.

Many think working from home is the best. That's a myth. Not everyone has the discipline to work with motivation and concentration, including me.

Ok. Time to continue my work. (Yeah I'm suppose to work now instead of blogging)

Ever since I left the City back to my Town, I successfully ran away from the things that I do not want to make decisions on. But when things settled down a bit, when my mind has no other things to worry about, I become gatal again.

Settling in a small town, I thought it should be hard to meet PLU (or harder to find one), and I thought that would train myself to be used to being alone. But it appears not. The desire to meet a good guy occupies my mind whenever it has more 'free time' from other worries. So I try to look for peers. And then when I find any, I feel happy and want to meet them. And then hoping to meet the right guy blah blah blah.

And that's when I became so desperate and broke my own rules. I feel ashamed of myself for not able to keep a promise I made to myself.

But one thing about myself, I think I am too much of a perfectionist and want too many things in one guy. From outer to inner, there are so many things I look for, knowing clearly there's probably only 0.000001% to meet such a guy.

I think I was in too much rush looking for a good guy and that has caused me to break my own rules. I should really train my patience even if I'm desperate.

Lately I came across this song, not too new but the lyric is like talking to me. Both in a good or a sarcastic way. Title of the song: 慢慢等, which can mean wait patiently (the good way) or fat hope (the sarcastic way). Anyway I'm more inclined to the good meaning, so I've fallen in love with this song with its melody and lyric. The artist is William Wei (he's cute too).

And my mum has started to ask me when will I get a girlfriend lately...