Call Your Name

I set my phone to automatically records the conversation when I call or pick up a call. After each call, I would delete the recording if I think the call was not important.

But I kept all my conversations with A when he was away for his hometown last Christmas. We talked to each other almost everyday when he was not around.

So I listened to the conversations recorded a short while ago.

It's only now that I realise he was always chatty on the phone, while I was always cool and quiet.

He would show his affection to me by saying that he missed me, or sent me kisses over the phone. And I was too dense and rarely responded to him the same way.

Now I hate myself for being dense. I could have shown my affection to him the same way he did to me. I regret for not telling him how much I love him more frequently and more explicitly.

The last recording I had with him in my phone was his crying over D and me. I can't help weeping while listening to our conversation and how sad he was.

Too bad, my anger blinded me so much that I've deleted the recording of the argument I had with him right before we broke up. I wish I could know what the dense and blunt me has said to him in the argument.

But listening to our conversations during the Christmas season, it's true that I didn't treasure him enough.

All this while, I thought he didn't care about me enough and that he was self-centred. I thought he didn't love me enough to make him decide to leave me.

I know I hurt him before we've even started a relationship. But little do I know that I've hurt him so much until I listened to the conversations today.

I wish I had a chance to requite what I've done wrong or have not done enough to him.

I wish I could call your name again, A.

But I'm trying very hard to hold myself back. I wonder if you're doing the same, too? Or have you totally gotten over me already?

My life is never, ever the same again after being with you.


  1. Great reflects. Register, improve and move on. Take care man.

  2. I don't think i can bare to listen to my past conversations with my previous loves.. So much heartbreak..

    Really nice you have those voices that reminds you about the good and the bad rather than a memory that only remembers the bad. ><