Not Right

Not right. Just not right.

Having a job that sucks (from my point of view) and at the same time being gay with circumstances like I'm in now make my life miserable.

When I'm busy with work, I feel miserable because the job really stinks (at least for me). I keep thinking and worried about my sucky job even after office hours. And not able to leave the job easily is another headache to me.

When I take long leave (like I've been taking for CNY now), I'm temporarily freed from my job but I keep thinking about stupid things like 'why am I gay', 'how to live like a normal person', 'how to balance my life between not letting my family knows about my sexuality and living a gay life with love and friends etc.', 'will my friends accept me if they know about me being gay' etc.

Everything is not right because I'm the one who is not thinking right. But I can't get myself to think right.

Tonight is another restless night without proper sleep. =(
I hate myself for being like this. I'm so stupid, so detestable, so... not right. =((

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