Guy in the Closet

I'm afraid of losing in the game of love.

While I feel the impulse to get closer to him, I try to keep myself down.
Try not to Whatsapp him too much, try not to YM him too much, try not to think about him too much.

I'm afraid to lose - as if I show to him that I need him more than he needs me, I will lose. People usually don't appreciate things that come easily, so my intuition tells me being far and near (instead of being near all the time) (若即若离) makes him appreciate my presence more.

Another thing is that I'm still not comfortable to be out. I'm not comfortable letting people I know know about my sexuality. He didn't say anything about his preference. What if I'm wrong? If I take the first move but it turns out he's not the same as me, then what? I'm in an awkward state. I know the problem is with me, but I'm just not comfortable with it yet...

And tonight seems to be quiet, without him Whatsapping me...

And I think I'm someone who is in extreme insecurity at all time. I think my subconscious mind is already asking me to prepare for lovelorn before the love even starts.

Ah. I'm a really odd one.