On and Off

I've been busy both in love and work. It is only when Dear and I are officially together that I realize being in love can be hard to, in terms of time management - as in there are too many things that I need to do. Like everyone else, I have to work to earn my living; I have things that I want to achieve in my life; and now the latest addition being I want to be in love with Dear. Time never seems to be enough. So far I could only do one of them well at one time and I'm still trying to increase my capacity.

It feels like a miracle to me to have someone that loves me that much and is willing to tolerate my temper, impatience and principles that may be unreasonable for some people. Dear, however, is much more simpler than me. He is contented and happy enough if I can say I love him (considering I'm not verbally expressive on love matters). And if I don't reply to his messages quick enough, he gets really really sad.

I don't like him being too emotional like that. But looking from a different perspective, that shows he cares about me a lot. I'm starting to feel Dear being too emotionally attached to me like this, is bringing problems to me. We've had arguments on issues directly or indirectly related to such emotion of his for several times already but so far we managed to pull it through and tolerate each other. I also realize that when I take care of his feeling and pay attention to him, I tend to fail in a way or another in my work. But what to do? I'm really in love with him, so I guess that's at least something that I need to work out.

As for work, I was thinking to get another job, or even go for further studies. But when my mind settles down a bit, I don't think I want to further my studies that much. I talked to my former lecturers and colleagues from my former uni, studying does not sound as attractive to me as it was when the idea of quitting first came to my mind. Furthermore, going for studies would mean leaving Dear for around two years and I don't want that.

When furthering my studies is crossed out from my options, I'm left with quitting this job and get another one. My boss seems to be pretty good in sensing my intention to quit (or I'm probably really bad in hiding it). He offered me a new salary scheme that would relief my stress in work, asked about what I really want to do (and I told him things that I want to do and within the company's business area) and let me do them, enforced some cultural changes in the company to reduce meetings and anything other than my core skills. I must say my boss really nailed it and I decided to give it a run for another few months and not tendering my resignation for at least until end of the year. So the soonest I would leave this job (if I do) is probably February 2012. But at least I can say I'm lucky to have a boss that really appreciates my service and wants to retain me badly.

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