Life is never easy. Many times I envy the way kids can live without worries.

There are so many things that we need to face after stepping out from schools. There are a lot of things in life/about life that I did not know/understand, and there are still a lot that I do not know, things like personal savings, insurance, household planning, investments, housing, bank loans... etc.

I feel there's always something in life that I did not learn like any of my peers did. I have been always feeling that growing up and stepping into adulthood without a father has made me lack of knowledge in dealing with many things in life. So occasionally, I get visions of a son learning from his father in a fatherly talk, wishing I was the son. But of course unlike those in movies/TVs where they talk about becoming man of dignity and such - I would imagine them to be talking about renting a place and earning own's living in a city, teaching about personal financial planning and such.

I'm probably less fortunate. My father passed away when I was 10. Although I was old enough to know and remember things, I can only remember his appearance but not as a fatherly figure. He worked outstation. I could only see him 2 days in a week all year long except during CNY. And he always came back looking tired, so we had never really had real family time. I don't even remember if he had beaten me up before like any father does to his son. My connection with him is so weak that I have not even dreamed of him, never when he was alive or dead.

Knowing I'm really ignorant about things in life, I've been trying to read and learn more about them over the Internet. The Khan Academy has a lot of good online educational videos offered for free. I've been doing the financial classes. But juggling between work, ambition, personal interests and these lessons is never easy, esp. when I've been having work motivation issues that I need to deal with. That makes me think that maybe I'm correct about stepping into adulthood with guidance from a father is easier than without the guidance.

Whatever it is, it doesn't change the fact that I'm an ignorant boy unfit to enter adulthood. I don't see myself have what it takes to live like a real adult. There are so many things that I feel so clueless about.

Come to think of it, it's totally an oxymoron by saying I'm more matured-thinking than my peers yet I'm ignorant about things about life that they know. Maybe I'm not matured-thinking after all.

I'm feeling so down thinking about this whole thing. Should stop here.

1 comment:

  1. At a young age, it's called "articulate". When you have the experience, it's called "mature". Believe in yourself that you can, and you'll find the way to solve your problems. When in doubt, pray.

    And I am very sorry to hear about your father.