Leaving a secure and well-paid job for a job that I thought I'm good in, all of my friends 'envy' my courage and wish me the best (and probably a few laughed at me behind my back for making such a decision), and have also been through arguments with my family over it. When I'm finally settling down, job motivation has become an recurring issue that keeps coming to haunt me every few weeks.
I think and rethink and rethink again about my life, my job and the horrible state I'm in now. Probable causes of my problem:
- Technical skills for my job
I thought I had a good deal of technical skills. Probably I really had it, but not any more after two years being in a non-technical position.
- Got too used to an office job
This is not my first telecommute job. I had another one before. It was fine back then. But soon after that, I took up an office job. Two years down the road, I've probably gotten so used to what I'd call zombie lifestyle. And then when I came back for a telecommute job, I realized that I've lost my self-discipline. Probably the previous job doesn't require self-discipline because the nature of the job itself was full of rules and regulations.
- Working on Uninteresting Technology
I have to admit. Some of the technologies that my current company is using do not interest me. Worse still, I despise some of them. That probably relates back to #1 that I don't have enough technical skills to appreciate the technologies. And I do not have enough influence and credibility to convince the switch to newer technologies that interest me. Company has to consider the risk of taking up a new technology after all.
- Other Worries and Annoyance in Life
My current job requires me to work during night time. That has been causing me to lose hair, gain panda eyes, and grow pimples. I'm not a real metrosexualist but I do want myself to look normal at the very least. These appearance problems are making me to lose confidence in myself and try to stay at home as much as I can, leading to my current unhealthy lifestyle. While I can nudge my working hours to make it earlier, it goes back to the problem of lack of discipline in myself to work during hot daytime.
- Being too ambitious
Wanting to achieve too many things. Not only I lost track of my progress for each of the things I want to do, I've also lost focus of what I should be doing.
- Not having enough social life
I think probably not meeting people enough has been causing me not able to focus well in the things I do. I think it's loneliness.
These are some of them that I can think of. The way I look at them, they are correlated to each another. Probably I should take a long holiday to rethink about my future. I think I'm officially lost. I need to sort out my mind.