I mind, a little

Gathering with my ex-colleagues yesterday was a nice catchup, except when they mentioned a little about homosexuality. Apparently before I joined, there's another staff who is a lesbian. One of my bosses told me that they are very open - they don't mind if anyone of them is gay or lesbian, except for the other boss.

Today, colleagues in my dept was talking about another colleague (I'll name him Victim to ease the story-telling) who is outstation now. So Colleague I told Colleague II that Victim has a partner. All of us in the dept know that Victim is a bit sissy. And I have overheard Victim's phone conversation before, so I was 80% sure he's gay. Then when Colleague I and II went on discussing Victim's partner, apparently Colleague II didn't have any idea about Victim's partner (neither did I). So Colleague I said, 'Oh, you don't know that Victim's partner is a guy? Isn't he gay? His partner is of course a guy.' 'How did you know?' 'Oh, Colleague III told me about it. And Colleague III said this guy is married, to a girl. ...' and they went on.

Victim is close to Colleague III. Considering Victim isn't out to anyone else, he must be close to Colleague III. But Colleague III is definitely not a good friend from my point of view. Because he told another person about Victim's secret (maybe it is not so secretive but it's not so public either).

I totally lost my confidence in telling any of my friend about my sexuality, looking at how untrustworthy these 'friends' are, no matter how close they seems to be.

Anyway, I was listening to their conversation, and turned to them and smile a bit several times throughout the conversation, as a sign of courtesy that I'm listening, although I don't want to comment about it. At the end of the conversation, Colleague II turned to me and told me not to learn from Victim.

I know all of them didn't mean anything discrimination towards gays. And I do admit the way they put gays into jokes and idle talking is not right but many of us do that, even to disabled people, elder people etc, sometimes without realizing it. But I still mind a little.


  1. u dun need to tell anyone if u dont feel like it, perfectly fine :)

    i have long gotten over that stage.. perhaps like 10 years ago...
    today, i dont care if anyone cares to know, but i feel its bitchier and more fun that me and my female colleagues can oogle at the same hot cute guys together..

    ((word verif: ORGINESS!!!))

  2. no offence, but somehow the fact that ur colleague ask u not to 'not to learn from the person' is already a form of discrimination imo..

    and also u call him the 'victim' , have u thought maybe he doesn't care at all? he is just happy with his own life.. u r being too defensive of ur colleagues.. again just my thought..

    no one knows how long ones gonna live, cud be 50 more years if one's lucky, cud be 1 more second if fated too.. but time pass, 1 second past is 1 second gone in our life, the more u care about others the lesser u hav for urself to be happy and lead the life u really want, its a trade off.. so.. be sure, to do something u wont regret few years down, we all can never be young again..

    my 2 cents.. =)

  3. @Takashi, lol I'm sure I will get there, slowly.

    @kidz, yea, I have thought of the possibility that he might have already known the consequences and he told a colleague as part of his plan to be fully out. The reason I named him 'Vistim' is simply because I had bad experiences being a victim of evil gossips. I think gossips are one of the most evil but legal things. I'm not defending him in any way. I don't really care what happens to him as gossips have already started and nothing can be undone. I'm only having sympathy for him for being the one spoken in gossips and that his gay life gets revealed (if he didn't mean to make it so).